The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
