She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
