did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
