I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
