Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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