I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
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