Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
