Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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