if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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