I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
