my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
