she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
