So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
