you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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