shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
