Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
