Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
