so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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