he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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