You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
