I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
