I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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