idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
