I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
