I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I deserve this hangover.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
