Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
