Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
