real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
