He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
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