I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
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