We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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