if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
