I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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