Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
