You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
