bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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