I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
