every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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