it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
