I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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