I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
