My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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