i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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