corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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