Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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