White coat. Heels.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
