I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
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