I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
