last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
