Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
