I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I love you. Go after that dick
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
