if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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